That's more like it.

I actually had a good weekend, believe it or not. I woke up on Saturday feeling well rested and in a much better state of mind. In the evening I meet up with two other bigendered people and we went out to Mo's, which is the most popular gay bar in the city. So it was my first time at a bar, let alone a gay bar. It was supposed to be girls night out, but I'm not quite ready to go out in “full” girl mode so I just wore a female cut shirt and jeans. Actually, in retrospect I was in full on girl mode, the only difference was that I didn’t have any make up on, so I suppose it was girls night out after all.

I thought that I would be freaked out being in such a loud place so full of people, but I actually felt really comfortable. Hillcrest is now my favoretest place in San Diego. (Well, Balboa Park is the coolest, but Hillcrest is a close second.) If I didn't have the condo and I was still renting I would totally move out there, but I only live 10 minuets away so it's not a big deal.

Today I attended a gender-queer meeting near the clinic where I get my HRT stuff. I was impressed and fascinated by the different types of people there. The one thing we all had in common was that we did not conform to the gender binary, and everyone expressed their gender identity in different ways. Despite being shy as hell and being very nervous I had a good time and everyone made me feel really welcome. I will surely be attending the meetings as often as possible.

Regarding my transition - I thought that I’d been on HRT for three months now, but a friend pointed out to me that it's only been two and sure enough, he was right. I had a feeling that I was going to take to estrogen well, but I'm pretty surprised at the changes that have happened in such a short amount of time. Tomorrow I will confirm with my boss when I can get the time off for the laser resurfacing. (Pew-Pew!) Most likely my leave will start the last day of this month, and that same day I will get the laser treatment. Considering how far I've come in such a short amount of time plus knowing that the laser is really going to help my complexion, I'm feeling pretty good right now.

I still identify as bigender and I still have a “guy” mode, but it's not really masculine at all. It's more like androgynous mode. I think about all the things I want to do as a female and I get excited.  Shopping, going to clubs, actually DANCING.  So I'm still am leaning heavily towards the MTF end of the transgender spectrum. The one thing I'm sure of is that I'm in a transitional period in my life, (in more ways than one) so I'm not going to write anything in stone. Anything can happen, and as is recorded in this blog my gender identity is all over the map so I'm going to take things slow. Step by step, one day at a time.

In summery, it was a good weekend. Page is now out in the San Diego LGBT community and I'm really excited about that. I'm going to start looking up transgender support groups also in case I keep going down that route. You know, I'm normally terrified of social situations but I'm really looking forward to going out again. The gay community is awesome and I feel like I finally have a group to which I belong.

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