Breaking point

It just hurts too much. Everything is wrong and I don't know how to go on living this way.

I look in the mirror and I see an ugly man who is not me. I hate my self. My disgusting face.

I want to make friends but I have no idea how to do so anymore. I'm hopeless. I don't even know how to forage a simple friendship. I have no friends. I haven’t had a true friend in a decade. Seriously, 10 years? How fucking pathetic is that? I'm trying, but I can't seem to forge a simple bond with anyone.

Now I'm alone and I can't stand it any longer. This has to end. I am looking into transgender support groups and the only one I've found in San Diego is “The Neutral Corner.” I don't know anyone that could come with me and I'm afraid that I'll break protocol and so something embarrassing. I have no one. I have noting to look forward too.

I feel like I need to reboot. To start over and forge a new identity. Not like that's an option. I cry every night and every time it hurts more and more.

But I have no way out. I have nothing. No future, no hope and no chance of salvation.

Shit, I'm so tired. I'm going to take a bath now.

Pete