Hi blog. I'm supper fucking exhausted
right now so hopefully this post isn’t too incoherent. Seriously,
I fell like I got hit by a truck. Not much to report since the last
post. When I went to work on Thursday there was a card in a sealed
envelope waiting for me. I opened it up and it was from my boss,
saying to take care of myself and wishing me luck on my transition.
My day couldn’t have started any better. I've said it before, but
my boss really is the sweetest lady ever.
My wife and I are getting along good.
She was at her parents house the last few days and I had it all to
myself. We will be moving into our separate parts of the house in
the next few days now which is going to be a bit of work. My
upper body strength is NOT what it used to be so I'm wondering how
moving all this furniture around is going to go.
We had a friend over today to look at
the condo and to see if he wants to move in. Looks like he probably
will which is awesome as quite frankly he's the only person who we'd let
in here. That will allow me to save money, which is something I
really need to do. (And my wife and I both think it will be kind of fun.)
As he left he mentioned that he was
worried about me. I'm worried about me too and I think I'm trying to
go way to fast in regards to my transition. It's something my
therapist has brought up a couple times as well. I really need to
give myself time to get comfortable with myself and to work shit out.
Also as I mentioned in my last post, I'm starting to worry about not
being able to pass as male in guy mode. I have a long way to go in
regards to that, but as I begin to look more androgynous and my chest
growth becomes more prominent (seriously, those little things are
perky) this is bothering me a lot.
Is there a middle ground? I'm really
not sure and this is just one of the reasons I need to slow the fuck
down before I make a decision that I'll regret later. It must be
nice to wake up in the morning and not have to think about what
gender you are. Anyway, before I make any kind of permanent
alterations to my body outside of the effects of HRT I'm really going
to have to learn to accept myself as a bigenderd person.
I think the new game plan will consist
of doing electrolysis over the next several months and then after
I've saved up another 4 grand I'll do another round of laser
resurfacing. I figure this will give me over a year to mull things
over and to get well mentally with therapy and all that. (Well, I'll
probably always be in therapy but I mean that I'll hopefully be in a
better place.)
That's about it for the moment. Now I'm going to go play stupid video games until I feel like going to bed. Weeeeeee.
Oh, NPR might want to interview me.
Another day in the life.
Paige
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