All dressed up and no where to go as usual. I'm feeling very happy with my presentation today. Happy but realistic. I'll never pass at this point, but I've made a lot of progress and that makes me smile. I just feel this scene that all is right with my body, biochemically speaking, now that I have estrogen coursing through my veins and spiro blocking off any latent testosterone in my system. I feel calm, fuzzy, snuggley and tingly.
Now that I have some money in my transition war-chest it's time for action. Tomorrow I'm calling the plastic surgery place I picked out some months ago for a consult to get the laser resurfacing done to my face. My face is. . . .I really, really hate it and once I heal from the procedure I plan on starting to go out in public. The night before the procedure I'm getting my ears pierced too, or maybe right after I heal, who knows. Maybe I'll get some other stuff pierced too! That'll be fun.
I'm in a much better place today than I was yesterday, that's for sure. Last night I met with with two people from bigender.net, one who I know and one who I hadn’t met yet. They are both super nice and awesome people. While I'm doing much better on the shyness, (I was wearing women's jeans and a female cut shirt, which is something I never would have been able to do before) I'm still very socially awkward. It sucks and frustrates the hell out of me.
As I mention frequently on this journal I'm an introvert and I love being alone, but I still like people and I want to make friends. I'm a pretty weird person, even without the whole bigender thing, but just simple stuff like small talk and casual conservation is a struggle. (I DREAD small talk.) I don't know if it's just that I have nothing in common with anyone, I'm so out of practice socializing that I forgot how to or maybe it's just that because I'm so weird that I need to figure out my own way to interact with people?
That last idea gives me pause and warrants further investigation. See, I knew there was a reason for writing this shit down. Maybe I'm trying to hard to act normal? I should just act like the weirdo that I am?
Leslie was saying that she want's to take a few days vacation from the house to rent a hotel room and just to be alone while she does her school work without distraction. I'm totally cool with that. Is that wrong? We have an interesting relationship.
OH! Another reason I've been depressed is that I ran out of my anti depression meds. Cause and effect, no? On Wednesday evening I have an appointment with my shrink to get some more. During the day time I also have an appointment with my general practice doctor who I haven’t seen in a while. Boy is she going to be surprised. =P I think what I'll say is, “Doc, have you ever had a transgender patient?” and let it go from there.
I think it's time to end this stream of conscious entry. Damn the torpedoes.
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