Current events part, whatever. Who knows.

So I went to my appointment with the Dr. for my laser resurfacing and it went well. It's going to cost me 4 grand, but it's worth it as far as we're concerned. This is the next big step in my transition and I'm very excited. Work is bat-shit insane right now however so it might not happen until April, which would make us a sad. I want it now! Yeah, I know.

I look at old pictures and I compare them to current ones and I don't look quite the same. I was at McDonald’s this morning (yuck, but I was starving) and this cool girl with those silly ear-lobe stretching ear-things recognized me and we haven’t seen each-other for months. She commented on how different I looked and asked if I lost weight, which I said I had. People at work have asked the same. I haven’t even been on E for three months and my body is responding very well.

For those of you wondering what to expect from HTR – Here's my experience thus far, just short of three months and in a body that was always adverse to testosterone poisoning. (Still a newb.)

Warning – I'm going to be very honest here about my transition experience thus far and if you are uncomfortable about controversial subjects, human sexuality, or if you know me in real life and this shit is too weird for you then please skip the rest of this entry. I need to be honest with myself and to anyone else who is curious. Especially those who are going through the same sort of thing as I am.

The combination of estrogen and spiro has made my acne go away for the most part. I have suffered from severe acne from the onset of puberty until I started on HRT, and I didn’t start HRT until I was 32. In retrospect I think that I was never meant to be male and all my problems were a result of my body rejecting testosterone.

Sex drive is still there, but it's different. Before when I became aroused all roads basically led to my penis. Now when I become aroused I feel a sort of energy building up in the center of my being, and it spreads thorough my body. It's very tingly.

Most of my body is now a erogenous zone, but only when I'm in the right frame of mind. The desire is still there, but it's not an urgent, “I have to get off before I go to bed” issue like it was before. When I'm in the right frame of mind it's better than it's ever been though, and more satisfying. All that taboo shit? Perfectly acceptable now.

On to the nitty-gritty, I'm still able to achieve an erection, but not quite all the way without the use of medication. (Sometimes I surprise myself though.) As has been reported by other MTF people, my well appears to be running dry as it were, and yeah, draw your own conclusions.

Breast development. First my nipples puffed out, then the tissue underneath them began to lift them up. My breasts are at the most rudimentary stage of development, but I feel that they are just lying in wait for the next infusion of estrogen, that I provided them with earlier this evening. They are very sore and sensitive. I keep my ID and Credit Cards in my front left pocket, and I keep checking it to make sure I haven’t lost anything. (I'm supper paranoid about loosing my ID.) I keep smacking my left “breast” on accident to make sure I haven’t lost my ID, and it fucking HURTS.

Weight gain – I have gained weight in my hips and my ass, which both needed some weight and that's filling out my female pants in flattering ways. However – I still am cursed with “man pudge” around my belt-line. I think that after a year I will get lipo on it if need be. I will try to increase the strictness of my diet and increased exercise of course, but I feel really awful about it and I will do whatever I have to to make Page happy, so she leaves me the fuck alone.

In regards to my male and female half, at first things were better but now it's like the female part of me is waging all out psychological war-fair on me. (The male side, who it typing at this second.) I give an inch and she takes a mile. It's crazy, and I'll post about it another time. Right now I have to get ready for bed.

So sleep sweetly my pretties. Who knows what we will be upon the morrow.

Bonus - Angry bitch mode