The Stars Are Right!
No,
Great Cthulhu isn’t going to make his return just yet, (Ph'nglui
mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn)
but it IS time for me to finally come out of the closet as bigender
to my family and old friends. After a lot of emotional turmoil, self
loathing and unbearable guilt, I'm finally perfectly happy and proud
to be bigender and I want everyone to know it.
I feel bad about
keeping this from my family for such a long time, but until this
point I just wasn’t ready to handle the strong emotion feedback
I'll likely receive. Now I've been on HRT for almost six months and
my former partner and I are separated. They deserve to know what's
going on with me, even if they don't like it.
(Note – it makes
me sad to type that last bit. We're still technically married and I
don't know what else to call her. She calls me her “roommate”,
but shes more than that to me. “Former partner” is the best I
can think up.)
Until I'm out to
the world I feel like I won't be able to fully claim my identity as a
queer person. No one should have to hide who they are from anyone
just because they are scared of rocking the boat. I don't want to
just be out on the internet, but in the real world acting as an
advocate for bigender and non-gender conforming people everywhere.
My biggest fear is
of course rejection. I'm worried that when I come out, the people
who I've known all my life will suddenly hate me, and I’m the sort
of person whose not comfortable with the fact that there's people out
there that don't like me. However, seeing how I'm now resting
comfortable beneath the Trans Umbrella, I suppose that’s just
something I'm going to have to get used to. I've never been super
close to my family, but I still love them and I hope that they'll
still care about me when this is over.
If not – tough
shit.
If
someone is going to reject me just for being who I am then I don't
want anything to do with them anymore, be they family member or old
friend. I've gone through hell and back over the course of this past
year and I'm not about to let anyone’s bigotry invalidate my
identity, nor am I going to let anyone make me feel bad for being me.
I'm transbigenderqueer and I'm fucking magical.
I
think that Friday shall be “The Day”. I'll call my Mum, then my
sisters and then my brother. I think that my brother is the person
most likely to accept me so if everyone else freaks out hopefully
he'll have my back. I've prepared a message for Facebook as well,
which is how I'll come out to the rest of my family and the world. I
think it's pretty good but it lacks a certain warmth. I'll have
another crack at it tomorrow. It has to be just right.
I'm
feeling good, it's pride month and on the 18th
it'll be my six month HRT anniversary. Unleash the motherfucking
rainbow!
Paige
Go, Paige! Best of luck. I hope it goes better than you think it will. And even if people have a problem with your being trans at first, they could come around. After all, you're still YOU, just prettier and happier. :)
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