Good! No, Crap! Uh, Good Again!

This was an interesting day.  Sick of the VA dicking me around I went ahead and scheduled an appointment with the gender therapist myself.  This will be tonight at 2030.  After I got her email this morning and confirmed the appointment I was ecstatic.  Yay!  Things are finally moving forward!

Then I left a nasty-gram at the patient advocate office as they have not been at all helpful and they still hadn't faxed me my letter authorizing funding nor have the been returning my calls.  I just figured that I'd pay out of pocket for tonight's appointment and that the letter should arrive in the mail before my next.

I guess my message lit a fire under the patient advocate's ass, because some hours latter one of the head honchos who works in admin came downstairs to my office with my fax!

"Uh, hay.  I found this sitting in the fax in-box with no cover-slip on it.  I know that it's confidential medical information so I brought it down to you right away."

"Hay thanks Greg!"  (Names changed of course.)

"No problem Jargo.  Take care ok?"  And off he went.  He had put a cover sheet on the fax, so I took it off to look at the funding request.  NAME - JARGO ABENDROTH (not my real name but I like it!) DIAGNOSIS - GENDER IDENTITY DISORDER.  There was all kinds of highly sensitive personal information on there and SUPER VISIBLE OMG LOOK AT THIS WEIRDO.  So whoever got the fax now knows all about me, "Greg" knows, and anyone else who happened to wander in to see if they got a fax knows.  And you know how rumors can spread in a small office environment.

I fell off cloud nine back onto earth completely horrified.  I didn't know what to do.  I was shaking and afraid to leave the office.  It was lunch time so I got some chow and gave myself time to work things out in my mind.  So my grand plan is -

If one person says anything about this to me I'm coming out at work.  Fuck it.

I'm sick of being ashamed of who I am.  I feel like my life has been out of control and I'm fed up.  It was supposed to be my decision when I came out, and in fact there's only one person who I work with that I ever planned on telling, and it was not going to be until I was ready.  That's been taken away from me and I'm pissed off.

I'm always afraid of what other people will think of me, of being judged.  That's going to stop right now.  I might just come out anyway.  The Department of Defense is an equal opportunity employer after all.  If I'm discriminated against or harasser I just need to go to HR to get their ass fired, and if that doesn't work I'll sue like crazy.

So what I think I'll do is take is slow, asses the situation over the next week and then make my decision after I've had time to mull this over.  (Unless someone say's anything, then it's "come out as queer time.")  I refuse to be a victim and this situation will only make me stronger.  Now I need to exercise and get cleaned up before my appointment.  RAR.