I had a lovely time this weekend up in Big Bear with my wife attending the little horror film festival they had up there. My wife used to live there and I love it up there too, so it's always fun to visit no matter what's going on. (And I love me some monster movies!) We saw some really great independent films, ate delicious food and stayed at a shit hotel, but hay; no weekend is perfect.
The BIG news is that Saturday night my psychiatrist finally called me back and on Monday morning I'm faxing him the info for the gender therapist I want to see and he's going to submit the funding request right away.
YAY!!!11!!eleventyOne~!!
I was so happy when I got off the phone that I wanted to grab my toes and spin around in my chair like a little kid. This therapist has gotten referrals from the VA before so it shouldn't be a problem.A very special thank you to MoralAnimal from the Bigender.net http://www.bigender.net/forum/index.php forums for recommending said therapist. You're my hero!
So things are looking up. I'm still super tempted to start hormones by myself but I just need to be patient for what will hopefully by just a little while longer. Speaking of hormones, a couple years or so ago my body almost completely stopped producing testosterone and now I have to give myself an injection once every two weeks. (I had the T level of an 80 year old man!) The endocrinologist still can't figure out why. Anyway, the reason that I bring this up is that I decided not to take it this week. I'll start again if/when I begin to get run down like I was beffore, but I'm going to only take as much as nessesary untill I can get on estrogen.
Now I thought it would be fun to write out my current goals in regards to my feminisation. Later I'll be able to check up on them and see how far I've progressed. I'm not transsexual or transgender, I'm bigender so I don't want to go full female transition. I do however identify with my female side a bit more than my male so I really want to do everything I can to feminize myself short of not being able to pass a as a male. Soooo, in order of most urgent to least -
1. Start on hormone replacement therapy. I cannot stress how critical this is to me right now.
2. Continue to lose weight. The day I figured out that I was bigender I weighed 215 pounds and I'm 6'1. Now I weigh 199 and I'm starting to see a major difference. My goal is to get to 165 and then reassess. Woman come in all shapes and sizes and there's nothing wrong with not being skinny as long as you're still healthy. I feel very strongly that I need to be as slender as I can while still getting all the proper nutrients of course. They say that on hormones you should expect to gain 10 pounds, so maybe I'll have to lose more. Then again, if those 10 pounds go to my ass and breasts that would be ok!
3. Laser facial resurfacing or dermabrasion. I had terrible acne in the past and it left my face pretty scared up. As a guy I don't like it but I can live with it. As a woman though I can't stand it. This should give me a much more feminine complexion and reduce my dysphoria plus bringing me closer to my ultimate goal as passing as female when I go out. (When I'm in female mode that is.)
That's all for now, I'm sure I have more to add to that list but it's getting late and I'll have to get washed up soon. One of the problems of being female that I never thought about as a male is that women need time to wash off all their damn makeup before going to sleep.
"This wasn't part of the deeeeeeeeeeeal!"
Ok, I'm better now. Good night!
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