My lovely wife took me (well, I drove but you get the idea) to the thrift store today so we could buy me some girl cloths. I've been looking forward to this all week. It didn't go so well.
When we got there the place was packed. Not a big deal but I suffer from a generalized anxiety disorder with a mild social phobia, so that put me on edge. When we were going through the racks my wife would pick things out for me and ask me if I liked them. We were wading through a sea of humanity so it's not like I could be vocal about what "I" wanted to wear/buy.
My wife is awesome and she was trying to find stuff that she thought I'd like, but I wanted nothing more than to just run down the isles and start tearing through the female cloths like every other woman there. I know what I like, and going through the isles one item at a time was excruciating for me.
When my wife would say something to me that even hinted in the slightest that the woman's cloths we were picking out were for me I wanted to shrink into a tiny ball and disappear, least someone heard (as it was practically standing room only) and judged me.
After a while I couldn't take it any more, I panicked and we left with nothing to show for our efforts. I got so depressed that I couldn't cope with how bad I felt so I went to sleep for a while. I've had time to calm down and I feel a bit better now, but this just reinforces how isolated I am.
It also made me realize how much of said isolation is my own fault. If I was less self-conscious I could have done just what I wanted to do, other peoples opinions be damned. (Not like they were ever going to see me again.) As always, I'm my own worse enemy.
I've decided to try again. I need to "man up" (ironically) get back out there and do what I need to do. Which is in this case, buy some cheep cloths for me to wear in girl-mode. Because I'm cheap. NOT IN THAT WAY! You pig,.
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