Ok, so it's not quite Monday yet but whatever. I'm feeling very depressed right now and I'm forcing myself to write this.
I'm so lonely. My female half is anyway. I have a classic introverted personality type, so I'm the type of person who does not need nor even want a lot of interaction with other people. I also suffer from a major depressive disorder along with a generalized anxiety disorder with social phobia. Uh, so I have issues.
What I'm trying to say is that I enjoy and need my "alone time". However, that doesn't mean that I don't like people and that I don't want to have friends. I'm just so weird that it's like I don't have anything in common with anyone I meet. Not to mention that I'm so shy that I avoid meeting people to begin with. I just never know what to say, and the more people the more overwhelmed I become. Then I get exhausted and I need to be along again to recharge my batteries.
It's something that bothers me in guy mode but I'm OK with it. In female mode however I feel like I'm desperate for someone to talk to. I want to be part of a community, to hang out with people I can relate to and share my feelings with. I don't normally crave social interaction in this way so this is hard for me to deal with. I need friends.
The girl me is trapped in the house and she does not dare leave or even draw a curtain. As a human being I cannot let anyone even know that I exist and it's killing me. So every night it's the same. In the evening after I exercise I get cleaned up and dressed up. Even though my wife is here in the house with me, I'm alone.
I'm sorry to be so down. I don't know what to do. This sucks.
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