Perky!

Hi there ducky!  I've been in guy mode a LOT this week but I'm back in female mode at the moment.  Not too much has been going on in my personal life, but of interest is the media attention Bigender people seem to be getting due to the SDSU study that I've mentioned in this blog previously.  On the Bigender.net forums it seems that some people are not happy about the study, or the way it's been reported in the media, or. . . something.

Queue rant.

For the life of me, I can't figure out what the fuck problem is.  The idea of "Bigender" is less than a decade old and almost no one knows about us.  Well, now they do, and not only is this a golden opportunity to show people that we exist and that we're normal people who just experience the world differently than the average person, but perhaps through the study of our unique life status scientists will be able to learn more about the human brain.  I mean, this is amazing just for the scientific aspect alone, but we should be embracing this using the media attention to educate the public and let other gender-variant people know that they aren't alone.

A friend of mine got this whole study started through shear force of will and today he made a post where he apologized for it because a few people are taking this personally for some reason that I can't fucking comprehend.  WTF?  He doesn't have a damn thing to apologize for and I'm pissed that other people would make him feel bad seeing how because of his efforts we're currently experiencing an amazing time for our tiny community, not to mention the fact that we might be able to contribute to a deeper understanding of the nature of gender and identity, and how it's programed in the human brain.   Fuck, fuck, fuckedy fuck.

End rant.

Elsewhere in the news, today I bound my breasts for the first time.

OK, they're tiny, but they're also damn perky, or pointy or whatever.  When I wear most of my regular shirts and work shirts I now have two sharp points sticking out which kind of gives my game away.  So today I took an ace bandage and strapped them down, which wasn't hard because there's not really much of anything there.  =P  So it's not proper binding in the traditional FTM sense seeing how I have very little to strap down, but it's something.

Anyway, now it just looks like I have regular guy pecs and I can wear all my old cloths again.  Yay!  I'm only into hrt four months so I'm not sure how much bigger they will get, but I imagine not very much.  I'm both relieved and disappointed at the same time.

I think that's it for now.  I've settled into living in my bachelor/bachelorette pad and I love it.  I started to put my loft bed together today but I hit a point where I'm going to need help so that will  have to wait until my wife comes home tomorrow.

Yup, that's all.  Sleep sweet!

Paige

Oh, this is me making a funny face.  Weeeeee.

Thinking about boobs and other random crap

Just checking in.  To quickly summarize what's been going on; I cashed in all my credit card points for a bunch of Amazon gift certificates so I went on a little shopping spree. It was much needed as I don't have to many outfits for girl-mode.  I got some really cute stuff so I'm very excited!

No word back from the therapist yet, I'm going to follow up on Monday.  I was feeling pretty dysphoric about my body earlier but I'm better for the now.  The weight loss is going better than I hoped it would and my naturally slender frame is really going to help me in my ultimate goal of passing as a woman I think.

So anyway, I've been thinking about boobs.  Well, in guy mode I'm thinking about boobs all the time because I'm a horn-ball but now I'm thinking about MY boobs.  I have a set of breat forms that are a large C.  When I bought them I was totally clueless about size (I thought C was average and D was large) and I was supprised at how big they were when they arived.

My wife said that they looked good on me because of my body shape so I shrugged and didn't send them back.  Since then I've lost a lot of weight however and now they look like porn star boobs on my quickly thinning frame.  Big boobs are good, but I feel self conscious about their size.

It got me to thinking about how I would feel about them if I was born a bio-female.  A lot of woman would kill for large breasts and they certainly have their social advantages.  However, they stick out, get in the way and while I'm sure they attract a lot of positive attention they must generate a lot of unwanted attention as well.

As a Bigender woman I'm sure they would probobly be an issue.  I can tuck my uh, junk away with a gaff so it doesn't poke out while I'm wearing a skirt, but boobs as big as mine would be a little more challenging.  On the other hand in female mode sometimes I kind of like them.  Breasts are one of the defining indicators of femininity after all.  Even if you look a little manly if you have boobs it's an automatic "this person is a female" flag regardless.

I hope to start hormone replacement therapy soon and that may or may not result in some development of breast tissue.  I really hope I at least get an A cup but while I'm sure my wife wouldn't be happy the female half of me would love to get a B.  But what if I get "lucky" and I end up with big boobs somehow?  Real ones that I can't take off at the end of the evening?  The likelihood of this occurring is very small especially considering that I turn 34 tomorrow (11/9/11 Edit - I'm 32!  What the heck was I thinking?) and the woman in my immediate family are pretty flat, but what if?

My wife is ok with everything about me starting hormones except the breast development thing, so that would be a big issue.  Work would be a huge problem too.  I guess I could bind but I would have to be very careful with what kind of shirts I wore and I think binding can only hide so much.  I work with active duty military all day and that would be very awkward.  Would I hate them in guy mode and love how feminine they made me feel/look in girl mode?  Would they actually force me to come out?

So yeah.  Boobs!  I like em!  Now that I know I'm bigender they mean a lot more to me now.  Did I mention that I like boobs?  Hell, I even like saying the word.

Boobies boobies boobies boobies!  Ok, back to my corner now.