HRT kicks ass

I kind of have a body image problem regarding my female presentation. (OK, so it's really bad.) A little while ago I was going through and purging all the old pictures on my phone when I came across one that I'd taken before starting hormones. (A pic that I'd originally took to document how I used to look before HRT, and had subsequently forgotten about actually.)

Anyway, I was checking the calendar and I was surprised to see that it's only been four months since I started on estrogen and even earlier on Spiro. (Jan 13th to be exact for the E.) I thought it was six. So four months ago almost to the day this is what I used to look like pre hrt-



And about 10 mins ago -



Umm, that's not quite what I had expected on the low, newby dose of estrogen that I'm on. (Hopefully they will be increasing said dosage next week when I see my Doc.) Seeing how I'm 32 I figured that hrt would hardly effect me at all, but even though I'm super critical of myself even I can't deny that I look different. (In a good, more feminine way.)

Moral of the story - hormones kick ass, (if taken safely under a doctors supervision blah, blah) and if you feel like you need to be on them then do so as soon as you can. Don't let anyone try to tell you to wait if you know that it's what you need to make you happy regardless of your life situation.

Quick edit - If anyone has before and after pictures they feel comfortable sharing that might be nifty.

Thinking about boobs and other random crap

Just checking in.  To quickly summarize what's been going on; I cashed in all my credit card points for a bunch of Amazon gift certificates so I went on a little shopping spree. It was much needed as I don't have to many outfits for girl-mode.  I got some really cute stuff so I'm very excited!

No word back from the therapist yet, I'm going to follow up on Monday.  I was feeling pretty dysphoric about my body earlier but I'm better for the now.  The weight loss is going better than I hoped it would and my naturally slender frame is really going to help me in my ultimate goal of passing as a woman I think.

So anyway, I've been thinking about boobs.  Well, in guy mode I'm thinking about boobs all the time because I'm a horn-ball but now I'm thinking about MY boobs.  I have a set of breat forms that are a large C.  When I bought them I was totally clueless about size (I thought C was average and D was large) and I was supprised at how big they were when they arived.

My wife said that they looked good on me because of my body shape so I shrugged and didn't send them back.  Since then I've lost a lot of weight however and now they look like porn star boobs on my quickly thinning frame.  Big boobs are good, but I feel self conscious about their size.

It got me to thinking about how I would feel about them if I was born a bio-female.  A lot of woman would kill for large breasts and they certainly have their social advantages.  However, they stick out, get in the way and while I'm sure they attract a lot of positive attention they must generate a lot of unwanted attention as well.

As a Bigender woman I'm sure they would probobly be an issue.  I can tuck my uh, junk away with a gaff so it doesn't poke out while I'm wearing a skirt, but boobs as big as mine would be a little more challenging.  On the other hand in female mode sometimes I kind of like them.  Breasts are one of the defining indicators of femininity after all.  Even if you look a little manly if you have boobs it's an automatic "this person is a female" flag regardless.

I hope to start hormone replacement therapy soon and that may or may not result in some development of breast tissue.  I really hope I at least get an A cup but while I'm sure my wife wouldn't be happy the female half of me would love to get a B.  But what if I get "lucky" and I end up with big boobs somehow?  Real ones that I can't take off at the end of the evening?  The likelihood of this occurring is very small especially considering that I turn 34 tomorrow (11/9/11 Edit - I'm 32!  What the heck was I thinking?) and the woman in my immediate family are pretty flat, but what if?

My wife is ok with everything about me starting hormones except the breast development thing, so that would be a big issue.  Work would be a huge problem too.  I guess I could bind but I would have to be very careful with what kind of shirts I wore and I think binding can only hide so much.  I work with active duty military all day and that would be very awkward.  Would I hate them in guy mode and love how feminine they made me feel/look in girl mode?  Would they actually force me to come out?

So yeah.  Boobs!  I like em!  Now that I know I'm bigender they mean a lot more to me now.  Did I mention that I like boobs?  Hell, I even like saying the word.

Boobies boobies boobies boobies!  Ok, back to my corner now.